Having outsourced the Constitution writing duties to Shanna
Reporting about the SGA, not a record of it: The Johns Hopkins News-Letter published this and the SGA did not write it, file it, or approve it. The archive holds it because the article itself uses the phrase “student council”.
Summary
- This Johns Hopkins News-Letter article reports on a proposed rewritten student-council constitution attributed to Shanna Doogan.
- The article says the student council chose Doogan, described as a “local kindergarten student and legal whiz kid,” to rewrite its constitution while keeping its existing principles.
- The paper reported that the proposed group would be called the “Johns Hopkins University Bake Sale & Cool Representative Association Playgroup,” led by one “supreme warlock/witch,” with four bake-sale liaisons from each class.
- The article adds that the constitution would require secret diaries, secret brownie recipes, Krispy Kreme doughnuts at bake sales and possible impeachment for actions including not sharing or overfeeding the council gerbil, Zazoo.
- The reporter writes that Zazoo would hold veto power during the president’s absence, with water sips meaning yes, “stinkies” meaning no and sleep ending meetings; unresolved votes would go to a Ouija board.
- According to the article, all activities would be secret and weekly meetings would take place in a tree house with apple juice and frosted animal crackers.